Author: Dinah Belle
You Can't Always Get What You Want
AU Season 7
Oz and Xander go on a road trip.
Not mine. I don't actually own anything this pretty.
Many thanks abound to Oreocat for beta-- professional or otherwise, it's greatly appreciated!
They awoke the next morning feeling both shy and completely familiar all at
once. Before he had gone to sleep, Oz had made a decision.
Go to Sequel:
"Come with me," Oz said. It wasn't exactly a question. More of a command.
Xander looked up from the comics section of the newspaper he liked to pretend to
read. "Where? If it involves the bodily functions I have to say you're on your
Oz smirked. "No. I need to go back to Oregon to get my stuff. I want you to come
"Oh. Does this mean you're staying in Sunnydale a while?" Xander asked. He
didn't want to sound too hopeful, but he was.
"I guess it does. There really isn't much of anywhere else for me to be, I don't
"Well then. When do we leave?"
"As soon as we can. And hey, pack some long underwear. It tends to get cold up
"Shouldn't we tell someone? It might look a little suspicious if we just left
for a few days. Trust me, they'd notice and they would ask questions," Xander
"Hm. This is true."
"Can it wait a day? Give me some time to work things out and pack and stuff."
"That'll work." Oz told him.
"Um, you know . . . they're gonna wonder why you're staying. And why I'm going
with you to get your stuff."
"You know, you're probably very right," Oz agreed. But he left it at that.
Xander sighed. He hoped the gang didn't ask too many questions. He didn't think
he was ready to provide answers.
Luckily, they didn't. He simply called Willow and told her he was going with Oz
so he could retrieve his stuff. All she asked was, "So he's staying in Sunnydale
"Looks that way."
"At your place?"
"Yeah." Xander hoped a "Why?" or "Are you two foolin' around?" wasn't in order
after that. It wasn't. Xander felt Willow's understanding, but she didn't press
the issue. And that was a good thing. Because how was he going to explain it to
her when he didn't even understand it himself?
"Well, have a safe trip. I'll see you guys when you get back," was all she said.
And so that explained why Xander was sitting in Oz's van in the middle of
nowhere, driving toward what sounded like more middle of nowhere. That's when
the van thumped, lurched, and moved no more. Car trouble. Wasn't this just
typical? It was like some I Know What you Did Last Summer type scenario. Here
they were, so close yet so far away, after dark, and stranded. Xander looked
over at Oz. Oz just put his head on the steering wheel.
"Well, at least we're in a town," Xander offered.
"Dude, this is so ill. Okay, it's fine. I'll deal. It's cool. We're cool."
Oz got out to look at the van. Xander made a point of looking, too, even though
he didn't really know much about cars. He certainly knew nothing about the
mysterious Oz-van. That was something no one but Oz understood. Oz tinkered
around under the hood for a minute, before declaring, "This looks very fucked.
Let's find a gas station."
The gas station attendant actually asked them, "Y'all ain't from 'round here,
are you?" when they walked up.
"Uh, no, we're not. My van seems to be quite broken. In that it stopped working.
I think a fan belt broke," Oz explained.
"I was just fixin' to close up here. It'll have to wait til morning."
Xander saw Oz's jaw clench a little. He felt Oz was on the verge of a slight
breakdown. Not the time for him to be showing emotions.
"That's fine!" Xander jumped in. "It's fine. Is there a place we can stay until
"Yeah. There's a motel down the road a ways. I open up again around nine or so.
We'll take a look at it then," the guy told them.
"Okay. We'll be back then. Thank you-" Xander looked at the name tag on the
guy's shirt. "Jethro. Thank you, Jethro."
Oz was more speechless than usual on the walk back to the van. "D'you think
it'll be all right?" he asked Xander when they got to it.
"Yeah, Oz, I think it's safe to say no one will mess with it." He'd known this
guy for how many years, and the only thing he ever seemed concerned with- aside
from Willow- was that van. Weird.
They found the motel (or MO EL, as the flickering, battered sign proclaimed)
easily enough. The clerk looked at them suspiciously when Xander asked for a
single room, but he didn't say anything. When they got to the room, Xander
surveyed it. It wasn't too bad on the scale of creepy roadside motels in creepy
road side towns.
Oz immediately stripped to his boxers and fell onto the bed as soon as he
stepped into the room. Xander joined him shortly after.
"Well, this is turning into an adventure, isn't it?" Xander asked.
"You could call it that."
They lay in silence for a moment. Xander absently reached out and stroked Oz's
"For playing with your hair?"
"Ha ha. Well, that too. It feels quite nice. But mostly for coming with me. For
being cool about things. Pushing me into a tree so I didn't get crushed by that
"De nada, Oz."
Xander kissed Oz again, and found that every time it happened, he liked it a
little more and it became a little less weird.
He felt Oz's hand slip down his pants. Oz's hand encircled his cock and Xander
"Oh. Should I not?" Oz asked.
"No," gasped Xander. "I mean, no not don't do that. No, don't stop." Xander
didn't even know how much he wanted this until it happened. When it did, things
became more clear. He wanted to explore this with Oz. Because Oz was quiet and
gentle and it fulfilled this nebulous fantasy that he had kept half-hidden in
the folds of his mind since he was in high school.
Oz began to stroke, gently at first, getting Xander going. Then he went faster
and tugged harder. Xander didn't know a lot about being with another guy, but he
knew this felt really fuckin' good. He always felt that this was one aspect of
sex that women couldn't really master. The key to jerking off was being a little
rough, and most girls were afraid to be too rough so they weren't rough enough.
Oz, of course, knew exactly what he was doing and it was sending Xander to a
place he had never been before. He couldn't help but wonder that if Oz was so
good at this, how intense might his other talents be? Xander's hips arched and
before he wanted to, with a shudder he could control no more than he could
control any other primal force on earth, he came. He instantly felt post-orgasm
"I'd return the favor," he told Oz, "but I don't think I can move my hand."
"It's all good," Oz told him. "I'll take a rain check."
A soft kiss on the lips, and Xander was asleep. He slept for over eight hours,
something that didn't often happen. He awoke when he heard movement in the room,
just in time to see Oz emerge from the shower. Totally naked. No towel. He
contemplated pretending to be asleep for a little while longer, just so he could
watch Oz like this, in an uninhibited state. That didn't last too long, because
seeing Oz naked caused him to squirm a little. In a good way.
Oz looked over and raised an eyebrow. "Spying on me?"
Xander looked at him shyly. "Maybe just a little. The view's nice from over here
Oz didn't even try to not smile. "I don't blame ya. Show's over, though. We need
to get my van fixed and we still have a couple hours left to drive."
"No problem," Xander said, already halfway up. They were both ready and out the
door in record time.
Jethro, the surly gas station attendant, was there when they got to the gas
station. He looked quite pleased to have held up their travel plans so
efficiently. With a blessedly few amount of words, he fixed the van in little
time, and Oz and Xander were again on the road.
"That wasn't too bad..." offered Xander.
"I beg to differ. This trip can easily be made in one day."
"But we had some fun alone-time in the motel room..."
"Hm. This is true. Okay, so it wasn't a waste or anything. But still."
The rest of the trip passed in amicable silence. They played a brief round of "I
Spy." After about two hours, Xander saw a plot of land and several buildings on
the horizon. It looked...well, it looked like a movie-of-the-week rendition of a
cult compound. But Oz seemed to be in full control of his actions, and not
brainwashed in the least, so Xander wasn't particularly worried about it being
"Is that it?" he asked.
"It is." Oz seemed slightly grim.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah it's just...well, it's going to be hard leaving. I did like it here. It's
"Sunnydale's better?" Xander finished.
"You could say that. I have more there than here." Both boys ignored the
implications hidden in that sentence.
They got out of the van and made their way to the front of what looked like the
main building. Before they even got there, a woman wearing a long flowing skirt
with a tie-dye shirt and a flannel over it swooped out the door and enveloped
them in an incense-laden hug.
"Oz, our lupine brother. Welcome back! Namaste."
"Nama-?" Xander inquired.
"It means 'The spirit in me greets the spirit in you.' It's an Indian/yoga
thing," Oz explained.
"A big hearty Namaste to you, too, Saffron. How goes it?"
"Blessed, peaceful. The herbs are growing in nicely. We finished the big sand
mandala out back. It's lovely, you must see it. And who is your beautiful
friend?" she gestured toward Xander.
"Oh. This is Xander, a friend of mine from Sunnydale."
"Beautiful. Will you two join us for some tea?"
"Of course, Saff."
Saffron bustled around in the kitchen making tea while Xander and Oz sat at the
large kitchen table. Xander looked at the decor. He had never been to a hippie
commune before. But the kitchen was nice. Lots of dried herbs. It wasn't exactly
like the stereotypes, but it seemed true that some folks did call themselves
off-the-wall nature names and the women didn't shave. If Saffron was any
indication, they were a nice bunch, though, and he could see how Oz fit in.
Saffron sat across from them. She poured the tea and nonchalantly asked, "You've
come to say good-bye, haven't you Oz?"
He seemed a little taken aback that she predicted this, but he went on. "Um,
yeah. Well. Things sort of changed. You know how it is."
"The Goddess works in mysterious ways," Saffron agreed. She looked at Xander
slyly and winked. He smiled and winked back. "Well, we will be sad to see you
leave, but if it is your karma to leave, who am I to argue?"
"I'll miss it here," Oz said.
"And here will miss you, as well, child. Will you boys be staying here tonight?"
"If you'll let us, we'd like to."
"Of course, of course. It's almost dinner time. The rest of the clan will be
glad to see you, Oz."
Xander eagerly anticipated the arrival of the rest of the cast of characters for
dinner. He wasn't disappointed. They were all as nice and kooky as Saffron. He
sat through the lovely vegan dinner and all he could focus on was Oz. Wanted to
touch him, feel that exquisite pain of being so turned on, yet unable (or too
afraid) to do anything about it. The post-meal small talk was excruciating. They
all wanted to know about the Hellmouth, the demon fighting, Willow's commitment
ceremony and her knack for Wicca. Oz seemed changed, for once happy to be
talking about Sunnydale and all that happened there. Occasionally, Xander would
feel a brush of Oz's hand against his leg and he knew that Oz was in the same
state he was. Finally, after at least an hour of rehashing the Tales from the
Hellmouth, the conversation lulled. Xander didn't waste any time pointing out
the late hour.
"It's late!" he exclaimed. Oops. He hoped that didn't sound too eager.
Oz smirked. "So it is. We should go sleep."
"Sleep. Yes. Exactly what I was thinking of. Going to sleep. Nothin' else on my
mind right now but going to sleep," Xander stood up, signalling that this was
it. They had to bow out now.
"Okay, that's cool. You guys sleep. Blessed be," Saffron said with a bow of her
They both almost rushed out of the living room, glad to finally be alone. They
barely made it into Oz's room before they were all over each other. The room
overwhelmed Xander. The scent of Nag Champa incense and Oz. All he could hear
was their breathing, loud, and their heartbeats, thundering. Hands all over,
lips all over.
"I want you," he breathed.
"You have me," was the reply.
It was playing out like some trashy romance novel, but he didn't care. He was so
hard it hurt and it just got worse every time Oz moved. Kissing and groping
wasn't enough anymore. He wanted contact, contact like they had in that motel
room. Slight biting sensations on his neck and he didn't even care that the one
biting was a werewolf and things could go horribly awry at any moment. Oz was
concentrating his efforts on unbuttoning Xander's shirt. When he felt Oz's
tongue on his nipple, his knees nearly gave out and he almost fell right there.
He moved over to the bed, pulling Oz with him, never breaking the kiss. Climbed
on top and straddled him. Oz's eyes were closed and his face was blissful. So
His hands shook as he unbuttoned Oz's jeans, slowly sliding them down revealing
Oz's cock and proving to himself that stature had nothing to do with the size of
any other part of the anatomy. He leaned down and took the tip into his mouth.
God, what am I doing? He didn't know what to do and had to rely solely on
instinct to guide him. He tried thinking about tricks Anya had used on him, but
that didn't work because it was a bad idea to think of her when he had another
guy's dick in his mouth. Judging by the moans from Oz, he was doing just fine.
Licking and sucking and he was surprised that Oz came so quickly. It was sudden
and forceful and he had no choice but to swallow. Bitter, something he had heard
was an indication of pot-smoking. He smiled and slowly crept up the bed,
settling in next to Oz. Oz's face was relaxed and euphoric.
"Thanks. I needed that," Oz said with a lazy smile.
"I know it seems kinda gross, considering, but I really want to kiss you."
"So do it," Oz challenged.
Xander leaned in and plunged his tongue into Oz's mouth, even though it was
still coated with the taste of Oz's cum. It was kinda kinky and kinda gross, but
it only served to turn him on more. Oz didn't seem to mind, as he deepened the
kiss, snaking his tongue around Xander's. Oz broke the kiss and slid down
Xander's body. He knew what was coming, but nothing could have prepared him for
the sensation of Oz's mouth around his cock. It was hot, searing. He reached out
and stroked the back of Oz's neck, letting his fingers play in his hair. It
produced such a fantastic feeling in him that he wished could last forever. But
he couldn't hold it any longer. He came with a final shudder and groan. He
closed his eyes and Oz was next to him, curled up with one arm slung languidly
over his chest.
"That was...wow," Oz mused.
"Best wow," he concluded.
Who could stay up after events like that? The natural progression was to sleep,
and both boys were happy to indulge. They slept, again curled up together.
Neither knew it, of course, but both were thinking the same thing: for whatever
it was, however their relationship could be described, it was nice. A nice
feeling. And make no mistake about it, neither of them thought of said confusing
relationship as simply messing around, getting each other off. It was more than
that, and they both knew it. But they knew it separately, and neither could
express it just then.
Gimme Shelter: Introspective Interlude.
Oz in the early morning, pre-dawn light. This was a scene Xander could get used
to. Gray and pink and a shock of reddish hair. Still kept short, even though the
rest of the guys at the commune let theirs go. That's Oz for ya, though- does
what he wants. And what about Xander? What did Xander want? Xander wished
someone could tell him, because he sure didn't know. Maybe shelter of some sort?
Shelter. Sounded good to him.
After things with Anya went south, he swore off dating. There was so much
potential for so many people to get hurt that he simply didn't want to risk it.
It wasn't safe, and he wanted some safety. He wondered if that was what he felt
when he was with Oz. Safety. Shelter. Freedom, definitely freedom. C'mon, how
could he not feel freedom? Openly defying all he had been taught by exploring
his sexuality? And it wasn't like Oz was some rough trade he picked up in the
park. Oz was someone he knew, and the perfect someone to explore this side of
himself which he had repressed and let lay dormant all his life. Even though he
wanted to, at other times. In high school, he wanted it. Looked at Oz and was so
attracted to the cool demeanor, the quiet, the philosopher hiding under the
surface. Xander saw all that back then, and was so afraid to let himself think
it. Even worse, this guy he (should he admit it?) had a crush on was dating his
best friend. When he kissed Willow all those years ago, there was a part of him
that did it just to get a little closer to Oz. Perverse, he knew. And now Willow
was a lesbian and he was...what was he? Did it even matter? The only thing that
mattered was curling up next to a small, pale body in the grey, early-morning
light, all soft and muted except for a shock of red hair.
Xander woke before Oz, but he didn't particularly feel like leaving the comfort
of the bed just yet. So he just lay there, looking. Oz stirred soon enough
though. His eyes fluttered open and Xander knew that the first thing Oz saw that
morning was him. It was a weird sort of turn-on, but he felt it.
They dressed and didn't even bother with showering. It didn't seem that anyone
else really did either, so it was okay. They went downstairs to get some
breakfast. Oatmeal, ironically. Xander and Oz looked at each other and smiled.
After tearful good-byes and good wishes for this and future lives, they
departed. Xander had enjoyed his experience on a commune, but he was eager to
get back home. Oz was in a different state of silence as they drove south. More
"You must really like Sunnydale. They seemed quite nice up there," Xander
"They are. But, you know..." Oz trailed off.
They continued in silence until the neared the coast. The air was cooler and the
scenery was even greener, if that was even possible.
"I want to go to the beach one last time," Oz told Xander.
"Oz, we're just going back to Sunnydale...California still has beaches," Xander
"Yeah, but the ones here are less with people and more with nature."
"Ah. Of course. Well, you're the one with the car. So let's go."
They drove to a random deserted beach in a random coastal town. They all looked
the same to Xander, and it was too cold and windy to be near the beach, let
alone right on it. But he couldn't argue. Once they got there, though, he
understood why Oz wanted to go. It was beautiful. Not another person in sight.
It was cold, definitely. But seeing the waves crash against the rocks and the
lack of tourists and sunbathers made it much more enticing. It was...pristine
was the closest word he could come up with. It was the kind of place where you'd
want to lose your virginity.
"This is really beautiful."
"See?" Oz smiled over at him and took his hand.
"So we're at the hand-holding-in-public stage?"
"Well, looks like," Oz replied. "Problem?"
"Nah. It's freezing out here. I need any extra warmth I can get. And I realize
that sounded like a lame come-on. Any chance you'll believe me when I tell you
that it wasn't supposed to be?"
"Nope." Oz moved closer to him. "Better?"
"It just might be." Xander paused. "Does all this still strike you as weird?"
"Very. But not enough to keep me from enjoying myself."
Xander smiled and casually draped his arm around Oz's shoulder. Well, as
casually as he could. He glanced to the side to see if he could hazard a guess
as to Oz's feeling on it. Naturally, there was little expression on Oz's face.
But he didn't seem to be too disturbed, so Xander figured it was okay.
"I just want you to know, um," Xander stammered, kicking at the sand. "I don't
just think of this as some experiment. I think of it as something a little more
"Good. Me too," Oz stated, simply.
They didn't go into any further detail. They didn't need to, want to, or see any
point in it. Instead, they concentrated on the impossible blues of the water and
sky, the dense green forests that coated the landscape. Xander soon became
restless and Oz followed suit. It was time to go. They had a long drive ahead of
them, and neither fancied having to find some broken-down Bates motel like they
had to do on the way up.
The drive was relatively uneventful. Meaning they didn't have car trouble,
didn't have to stop and battle any demons, and no one had to dance naked or wash
dishes. All of the above were marked improvements on Xander's other road trip
excursions. The highlight of the drive was when, in the course of shifting
gears, Oz's hand had come to rest on Xander's leg. He looked at Oz, and Oz
looked back, but they both knew the hand would stay there and that they both
liked it better that way.