Monosyllabic Eccentricity

Title: Don't Go Up There
Author: Dolores
Rating: R
Spoilers: Post New Moon Rising
Summary: Buffy wants to use Giles' bedroom. Giles isn't keen.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. All belongs to Joss and UPN.
Website: Thrown With Great Force


Buffy hammered on the door with her spare hand, adjusting Xander's bulk on her shoulder so it was more comfortable. She stopped and looked expectantly at the door. She knew Giles was there, dammit.

Stooping awkwardly she opened the letterbox and shouted, "Giiiiles! I need help," through it. After a moment, she heard someone hurrying down the stairs and a moment after that, the door opened to reveal a slightly rumpled Giles buttoning up his shirt. He had the buttons in the wrong order. She pushed passed him and walked into the living room. His eyes followed her in, and he gave her a weary look.

"What's happened, Buffy?"

"Xander. Demon. Xander thrown across a parking lot into a Toyota."

"Right. And the reason you haven't gone to the hospital is because why?"

Buffy shrugged. "You were closer. Besides, he's probably only put his back out. Haven't you, Xander?" She shook the man on her back. He moaned in pain. "So I'll just take him upstairs and let him rest it."

Giles' eyes went wide. "No!" he yelped. "No, that. . . isn't a good thing. Take him to hospital."

Buffy gave him a look of exasperation. "Giles, the demon's still out there. I need to get back and do that slay thing you keep moaning about. Or would you rather I was Nurse Summers?"

"Well, although I normally would. . . advocate the speedy death of said demon, I would appreciate you being an ambulance service tonight."

"Giles! I only want to put him on your bed for a bit. I'll come back and get him later." Buffy started to walk up the stairs.

"Don't go up there!" Giles shouted, his voice strained. Buffy turned as best she could with Xander on her back and up four steps. She gave Giles a wicked smile.

"Giles, is Olivia up there?"

"N-no, she's not in the country."

"Are any of your lady-friends there?"

"N-no, no lady friends."

"Well, then, what is your problem? I've seen your bedroom before." She continued to climb the stairs.

"Buffy, please." He was pleading now.

Buffy only muttered, "Giles, shut up," as she got to the top of the flight, and then moved to Giles' bedroom door. She opened it with her foot. It swung open to reveal a room illuminated only by white candles, scattered on every surface like some bad porn movie set up. On the bed, tied securely to it by chains, was Oz. Naked.

Her eyes widened with shock, and Buffy dropped Xander, and the youth landed on the floor with a thump. He yelped at this treatment, but Buffy ignored him.

"Oh, my God."

Oz looked at her serenely. "Hey, Buffy."

"You're naked."

Oz looked down his body as if she had just pointed out his shirt was on back to front. "Yup. Looks that way."

"And you're. . . here."

"Also true."

"What are you doing here? You left!"

"Well, technically I didn't leave the second time."

"Yes you did! Willow told me! A tearful goodbye then you drove off in the van."

"Oh, yeah, I did. That definitely happened. But then I got, like, 5 miles out of town and remembered I'd left my Bowie tape at Giles', so I drove back to get it. He offered me coffee, I accepted, we got talking, and I decided to stay as his sex slave."

"Sex slave?"

"Sure, the pay's not great, but I get food and shelter." He looked down at himself again. "Not much of a clothing allowance though."

There was a moment of stunned silence between the two, punctuated with another moan from Xander. Oz couldn't really see Xander from the angle he was at, but a strain of the neck, the chains clinking gently and. . .

"Buffy, I really don't think his leg's supposed to go that way."

"Huh?"

"Xander. Leg. Pointing in a not good direction."

"Oh. Oh, yes. Yes. I'll be taking him to the ER now." She bent down and hefted Xander up back on to her shoulder. The dark haired man let out a strangled squeal of pain as she did so.

"Cool. See ya around."

She took one last look at this too weird scene. Then, she turned around, and made to leave. Xander groggily looked up at Oz. His jaw fell. "Oz? Woah. Nice, uh, manacles. Owww."

"Thanks."

"Back for long?"

Buffy started to descend the stairs.

"Don't think I'm going anywhere soon."

"Right, cool. We should -- ouch -- go for a beer," he disappeared from Oz's sight, but hollered, "when you find, y'know, clothes. And the key to the chains. . ."

"Yeah. . ." said Oz, listening to Xander grunt with Buffy's every step.

Giles was waiting for her at the bottom, face a burning red. "I tried to warn you," he said to Buffy weakly.

She gave him a fake checkout girl smile. "It's OK, I should have listened. I'll be going now. I'll come back. . . later. Much later. Then we'll chat."

"Yes, fine." Giles opened the door and Buffy scurried out into the night. He shut it behind her, returning Xander's wave as he did so, then walked back up the stairs.

"Sorry about that," he told his slave, unbuttoning his shirt again.

Oz shrugged. "It's cool."

"They're not going to believe me if I say you're just my roommate, are they?"

"No, I think that excuse is done."

Giles removed his glasses. "Ah, well. Fuck 'em."

"Good attitude. Especially the fucking part."

Adopting a rakish smile, Giles growled, and jumped onto the bed.